Discord to Harmony
Guys! I totally have ADD!
This is largely a self-diagnosis after finally delving into a book that my sister lent to me over the Summer, called You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! I only started reading it because I thought it might help me understand Norah, but lo and behold, I see myself on almost every page!
THIS BOOK!!! I can relate to SO many things in this book! (Click above to buy on Amazon!)
I have always felt like there was something different about me. Like I was somehow living a slightly different reality than most of those around me. In school, I was a daydreamer. I forgot important things on a regular basis. I was often mentally lost, not knowing how I missed the instructions that were given because I had been trying to listen! It seemed the more I tried to focus on listening, the less I succeeded! I got by because I was a smart kid otherwise, and would do anything to avoid getting in trouble or being seen in a negative light by teachers and classmates.
College almost did me in. I was not keeping up with things like I knew I should. I was a smart student among extremely bright students who were faster processors than I, and better organized. I barely scraped by and I didn't know why I couldn't handle it. It felt like a personal character flaw, like if I just tried harder, surely I could do better! I simultaneously hated myself and my professors for expecting what felt to me like an impossible amount, let alone quality of work.
In my marriage, I feel guilty that my husband works all day, and at times, I fail to complete the tasks that I feel are my responsibility as the spouse who is at home most of the day.
In all areas of my life, I am extremely forgetful, even with big goals that I try to set for myself or a new habit I want to start. I just forget about it, almost as soon as I decide to do it! For example, "I know, I'll start a blog! I'll update it a couple times a week!" To be fair, it's been an unusually difficult and busy month!
If I don't forget, I lose interest quickly. This is why my home will start to improve in terms of clutter, and I might maintain my ideal cleaning routine for a month at the most, but then I lose focus, and in turn, progress. I just want to move on to something new, without having to continue maintaining things on a day to day basis for the entirety of my life! It just sounds like such drudgery! But it always comes back to bite me, because if I don't do these things, I can't look past my messy home to accomplish anything else. I just sit in a constant state of procrastination, which is much worse than just doing the housework!
Anyway, back to this amazing book. This book is setting me FREE. I am so happy to finally discover that almost all of the things I dislike about myself are probably symptoms of ADD! I can forgive myself for all the times I felt like I was stupid, or wasn't trying hard enough, or was awkward in a conversation, etc. etc. etc!!!!! It's such an incredible feeling to finally realize I'm not alone in this and it isn't my fault.
I JUST HAVE ADD!!!!!
Here are some things in the book that I related to specifically:
This last one is an example of how a fictional person named Paula copes poorly with her ADD. I can relate to this (though not every word of it, nor to this extreme), and Travis can vouch!
"...Paula aggressively poises for full-scale battle eery moment of her life. She's only nineteen but has developed an especially prickly suit of armor. When her husband asks if she as taken out the trash, she reacts defensively. She offers a long-winded explanation of why she hasn't been able to get around to the chore yet. As she becomes increasingly angry and indignant, she switches to the offensive, attacking her husband for overworking er with his demands.
Travis and I have had very similar exchanges where I wrongly assumed I was being criticized. This is also the reason I'm terrified of answering the phone. I'm convinced I've forgotten something important and I'm about to be in a lot of trouble! This is rarely the case, but it has happened!
I'm sorry this is such a long post! I suppose I'm making up for the weeks of silence!
If you think you might have ADD, or you know you do, I highly recommend this book! If I don't even get to the parts that suggest ways to manage it, I'm so much better off just knowing why I am the way I am!! It's such a huge weight off my shoulders.
I promise to post again soon! Love to every one of you, and I wish you a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!